第一次和他聊天， 他对我说， 男人的浪漫是whiskey 和雪茄
他说他喜欢一个人的狂欢
因为不想再相信任何人
我问他， “是否因为受过伤呀？”
他说，“是的。 很多年前我们远距离。那时我出国念书，她留在本地，所以我们分开了。后来我回来了，又从新在一起了。因为想要给对方更好的生后，我努力工作，创业。她说，我没有时间陪她，就和我朋友发生关系。我链戒指都买好了，跟她求婚。结果知道了她和他的事情，我们再次分开了。他们结了婚，出国生活了。”
“多年后，她再次回国，离了婚。她回来找我，跟我说，她还爱我，问我能不能从来。我告诉她，如果我能把所有的过去都抹掉，我们就可以从来。”
他不愿忘记，也不能原谅，牢牢地把自己困境回忆和悲伤里。
他成功，有高，有富，可他说，没有帅。
我笑了。
当我每一次听到人家说， 他们觉得孝顺父母是自己应该做的事情的时候，我难免会觉得羡慕。
不是羡慕他们的父母有孩子孝顺，而是羡慕他们对父母的敬爱
因为我没有，也惭愧我没有
是因为他们的父母每时每刻都让他们感受到自己是被爱的吗？
我出生于一个传统家庭，不算富庶，可也饿不死
我是应该感激他们公署教学， 让我好吃好穿
可是有时候， 我觉得自己其实跟一只宠物狗没分别
对妈妈来说， 我就是一件附属品
顶嘴就是不乖，有自己的想法就是叛逆
有时我觉得，或许她也后悔让我上大学，出社会打工
没有教育，就得像别的同乡一样，二十岁嫁人，三十岁儿女成群吧
就不会有顶嘴，叛逆，三十多了仍然单身
当她为了面子逼我买一间我不想买的物业的时候，
我想，我对她的敬爱，就到了尽头
我对她，还有孝吗？
我跟一只狗，有分别吗？
还是，我就是一支投资项目？
那，我这投资项目可能要让她赔了
从那天起，我做任何事情，都不会再为她考虑了
从她不把我当女儿看的那天起，她就失去了我
今天看回我旧公司的一个品牌， 让我想起一件许久以前发生的事。
有些朋友知道我在那家公司工作后， 一个七至十年没联络的朋友突然给我打电话。
原来，她在跟朋友逛街，去到了我工作的那家公司的其中一间品牌商店，就想起想用我的员工价那折扣。她跟我极少接触，相隔了七年想到我的时候，就想打友情牌让她能够有折扣的买到自己想要的东西。
这算是无事不登三宝殿吧？
我一口拒绝了她，说我人不在，不能有折扣。
那时我还挺伤感的。原来，一个连饭都好像没跟我吃过一顿的“朋友”，想起我的时候，只想到利益。多年后，才发觉，其实这些人不围绕在自己身边，也未尝不是一件坏事。
I recently took up part times that were exhausting, demanded a lot of effort from me and it wasn't paying much. I persuaded myself that I chose this, although just as a part-time one because my full-time job was too well-paid to be given up. Besides that, as an adult, I do have commitments, loads of them, to say it's okay, I can live on bread and water.
Thus, before we tell youngsters to live up to their dreams, perhaps we should let them know they are privileged if they have monetary support backing them up, and not everyone could live up to their dream. Perhaps there are people who did, but that was 1 in 1000, or maybe even millions. Most of them are still striving, and perhaps living on bread and water believing that they can be the one in a million. There's no harm in dreaming, but you gotta inject some reality into the dream. There are mortgages to be paid, electricity, and even materials to realize your dreams. Just to name a few of the basic necessities.
You can dream, but dream realistically..
Recently, I accepted a part-time job being a web novel translator for Nyoibos. Although I'm not experienced in translation, let alone web novels (I don't usually read them unless I got hooked to the movie or drama adaptation), I'm really thankful that they are willing to give me a chance to go back to writing. It reminded me that I used to be aspired to be a writer. I used to love reading and writing down a very long adaptation of the drama that I liked ( 绝代双骄). I can still write down every single detail and remember every conversation because I like Jimmy Lin. Then, I aspire to be a writer, despite the fact that I'm not creative at all. Back then, I could still be proud of my English level, unlike now.
Now that I'm translating web novels, I can now understand why so many could get hooked on web novel when there was so many varieties and website to read. It was indeed very addictive. I spent nights after nights procrastinating on my real work trying to get to the end of the novel. Certainly, I do admire these web novel writers and now understand the reason China drama series industry is flooded with adaptations of these novels.
It has been far too long since I last wrote anything. I guess life passed me by so fast that I forgot how to write. From my last post in 2013, which I've deleted because I wanted to start anew, I realized how much I've grown. To the boys I "loved" before, and the blog post dedicated to you, I no longer remember who they were for. Perhaps I've aged so much that you're no longer significant to my life, although you might have been in some part of my life. Past my 20s, I wanted to make my 30s even more memorable, to be the person I want to be, and to live my life how I want it to be. For myself, not anyone else. Just like how a Lily would fare, "pure", "passion" and "rebirth".
